As i get older, it hurts more. It shouldn’t. I should be used to it by now, after 17 years of it, but for some reason, it gets worse everyday. It hurts me and it scares me, because there’s hate brewing in my heart for you that wasnt there before, but it is there now, and soon, i know its going to be too late for me to love you again, because there will be nothing left.
You dont show it, but its like you dont want anyone else to be happy, or relaxed — or anything you’re not. Its like you’re autistic, not being able to understand the concept of different people and different thoughts and different sleep patterns. You want everybody to be suffering as much as you are, you cant bear to see them happy or at peace. You cant stand to see me sleeping in the afternoons because you’re an insomniac with a love for TV. You want it all — TV and sleep. Sorry, but you only get one at a time. You can have both, but that’d be taking turns and you’ve never been good at that.
And I hate you for it. So much, it hurts.
And privacy? That word has never been in your vocabulary. You make the rules around here, you’re the boss, what you say goes, its all about you. Let me turn 18 and then we’ll see who’s boss. I’ll show everybody, even if it kills me.
So dont beat up on me if I’m sleeping in the afternoons. I get back from college at 4 PM and that means I’m allowed to sleep. The ‘excuses’ I make? About studying all night so I can get an A or something and try to make you stiffs proud of me? Yeah, they’re not excuses. You want me to be up and about all day long, choose: grades or sleeping during the day. But then again, love creates leniency and I’m done with being lenient about my life with you people. You dont get to make any major descisions in my life ever again. Especially dad. If it wasnt for that freak, mom’d still be pretty fine. But you have to screw her mind up, make her go crazy, and then you tuck tail and jet off to SA and leave me to handle her.