3-4-2011 (Afza’s Birthday)
So today was my cousins birthday. Shes in Karachi, so I called her up and we were talking and I asked her how old she was and she said 14 and i kind of blanked out for a moment because I left her at 10 years old and the reality if grownng up just got to me. I was about to turn 18. EIGH-TEEN. Unbeleivable that I was where she is right now, when I moved here, when I started this new chapter in my life.
I mean, every year you grow older, but when you look back at someone who you used to be in touch with, you realise — Hey, they’re not ten anymore. And neither am I.
It may sound stupid, but its so true. I used to live with Afza (cousin jis ki bday thi) and her family for a about 4 years or something, visiting frequently when I wasnt, and she was 10 back then. I was 14. Her sister, 2 years her senior, 2 years my junior, was 12. Then I moved to pindi, and lost pretty much all contact with them. There are some people who you can only talk to face-to-face, you know? You cant really click with them on the phone. So during these four years in pindi, I grew from 14 to 17 (gonna be 18 this july 😀 ) without realizing they must’ve grown too.
I mean, its not like I thought time had stopped for them. I just didnt give much thought to it, and so it was a huggge shock when she said “I’m 14 today.” It kinda made me depressed too — we were together for most of my childhood, growning up and all (shes my moms brothers daughter) and suddenly, there I was, having missed out on some of the most crucial years of her life. It was sort of sad.
Then, while I was thinking this, I realized Humna — Afza’s older sister — would now be 16. And that was doubly bad, because, well…i dont know. Afza was kid of like my baby sister, sort of, but Humna was my…Humna. Even though i liked Afza better than Humna, I still felt sort of…bereft at them growing up into their teens without me.
I felt sort of betrayed. Not really, but I cant describe it any other way.