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“Don’t fall in love with people like me.
i will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth.
i will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible.
And when i leave
you will finally understand,
why storms are named after people.”
There is so much you want to do in a day, in a lifetime, but you just cant find the time. Opportunity cost comes in here and you’re forced to make value judgements. Here are a couple of things that I want to do. Right now.
1. Learn the art of screenprinting:
So I can design and print and sell my own shirts.
2. Learn embroidery:
There are some really pretty patterns and designs out there. I’d like to learn how to do that. Then when I design t-shirts or even kameezes, I can embroider a floral motif or something of the sort on there.
And then, of course, charge more.
3. Learn Illustrator:
Been meaning to do this one for a while now. If I learn Illustrator, I can make vector shirts so much an easier concept for myself.
4. Learn ceramic dough making:
Why else? To make more money. Make flowers, add them to bangles or earrings, VIOLA! Instant money making products. :3
I also have to learn knitting because there are only so many patterns you can make with crochet. Some really pretty patterns I cant make because I dont know how to knit. 😦
Must remedy all this!
Sometimes I want to call him up and talk to him. See how he is. How hes doing. If he still remembers who I am, who we were, what we lost. I wonder if he ever misses me like I sometimes miss him. I wonder if he ever regrets anything, if he ever thinks ‘what if?’. I wonder if he wonders what we would be right now if everything didnt go down like it did.
There are certain songs that trigger memories so strong and so powerful that it shatters me, shakes the very core of who I am, leaving me to pick up the peices of my broken heart all over again.
Here Without You. This Girl. Love The Way You Lie. To name a few.
It hurts in doses. Not all at once. For the first few months, it was like nothing even ever happened. But now life seems empty sometimes. Your first love is important. Your first love changes you, your perceptions of the world, of love itself. Your first love is unforgettable.
Your first love was novel. A new experience, from A to Z. Everything. New. Feelings. Emotions. Winks. Smiles. Laughter. Tears. Crying on his shoulder. Texting at all times. Sharing secrets. Exchanging passwords. Theres connection. Theres passion and excitement and exhilaration that wasnt there before. And its all shared with one other special person who is going through the exact thing you are, who can understand better than anyone what you’re feeling. You feel on top of the world. Like you can do anything as long as they’re by your side. And then after you’ve said what you needed to say and done what you needed to do, you both can grow old together, sharing secret gestures in a room full of people and understanding them, looking back at old memories, laughing about them, teasing each other, knowing even during fights that you’ll always have each others back.
Its always sad how first loves barely work out. Because first loves are usually the most pure. Afterwards, everything is jaded, been there done that, somehow a little less special.
Its not enough.
It will never be enough.
Its frustrating because one day I will have no friends left because of me being busy all the time now. People have to fight for attention from me. I’m unintentionally neglecting everyone like crazy, and I feel like such a bitch for doing so. But its not my fault life is demanding my 200% from me, and its certainly not my fault that I cant seem to balance everything. Another thing which is sadder is that when I have no friends left, and actually need them, they wont be there, obviously because I’d have alienated them by then. And my mother is a bitch entity in herself, whos very aim in life seems to be getting a kick out of taunting me and proving to me that I’m worthless and inferior to everyone on this planet. She’ll just stand there, at my door, looking at me, challenging me to say something so the dramatics can once more ensue. And then see me cry. I think she finds release in seeing me cry. Sadistic much, mommy?
Boyfriend of mine makes matters worse. He is so insistent for me to come back on skype, he wont stop texting me to come back on skype no matter what I say, no matter how I feel. He says he doesnt emotionally-blackmail me. Really? Then whats this: Text from boyfriend: Look. I care. If you care, come back online. Why can you not let me be for a while? Why do you have to be so selfish and so insistent and so BLOODY ANNOYING? Why cant you be a little mature and understand my needs and try to be loving and supportive and understanding? Why does it always have to be about you? Why cant it be about the fact that Ive had a shitty day, and tomorrow doesnt seem brighter, so PLEASE, atleast from your side let me be at peace?
Twix understood. He knew what to say to make me feel better. He was never annoying. He knew me. No one else will ever know me like he did. I miss being taken care of, not being worried all the time, knowing my head was resting on competent shoulders. I miss not having to worry about the future in terms of if we’ll end up together or not. You know, if he’ll leave me or something. I mean, yes, he did cheat on me, but he apologised. And then I was the one who broke it off in the end. It wasnt him. But with this dude, I just. We’re so volatile, so hot and cold. Sometimes I want to be with him, sometimes I wish I could break up with him as painlessly as possible and never see his face again (out of sight, out of mind).
I am surrounded by one selfish person too many.
- Fruits and berries, the more colour the better
- Vegetables and root vegetables, both fresh and cooked
- Potatoes, cooked or oven baked
- Fat fish like Salmon, Rainbow Trout, Mackerel, Herring, Baltic Herring, Sardine, Anchovy
- Whole gout or whole grain
- Nuts and dark chocolate (minimum 70% Cocoa)
- Coffee or tea, especially when you are tired
- Omega-3 rich food, like Walnuts, Linseed and green leaf vegetables.
Avoid these food:
- Diet drinks and other food that contains artificial sweetener. It doesn’t give you any boost just a bigger urge for more sweet
- Glutamate (E620-E640), can cause headache
- Large amount of saturated fat from dairy food and meat
- Trans fat, can be found in fast food, confectionery cakes, snacks
- Pure sugar and sweet food, especially sweet drinks
The guy I reffered to as my boyfriend?
Yeah, that was me being a troll.
Since hes not a guy, therefore, not my boyfriend.
My boyfriend thinks Desperate Housewives is stupid.
What he doesnt know is, his face is stupider.
So I’ve made some changes to this blog, if I had any followers, they would have noticed by now.
Privatized stuff, password-protected some others, edited the rest. I have friends who stalk me to death, this one guy in particular. So when he finds this, it’ll be like finding the Holy Grail for him. He will have enough material to embarass me for a very long time. And I dont want that.
So here we have it.
I am such an anticlimax.
Blogging inspires me.
When I read various blogs, I feel so amazed at the rich content, and the way people convey their ideas and messages so effectively with seemingly little or no hassle involved. Blogging also involves typing only, and that is a plus point for me, because this past year, Ive seem to come to fear public speaking. Not fear so much as not been able to do it right. It developed gradually. I lost all confidence, started stammering, getting lost for words, becoming frustrated when I couldnt remember those words and had to say what I was saying in more words than needed. It finally hit me when I went MUNing this past month. I just…couldnt speak fluently. And I dont even know why. I could bullshit as well as the next person. But when I got up to speak then, I just couldnt wait for my turn to be over. When they were voting on a caucus I proposed, I found myself praying it wouldnt pass, because then I’d have to get up and speak for two minutes. And…I just couldnt do that anymore.
But when I blog, I dont need to speak. I can just take my time in forming my sentences and making sure I sound smart and well articulated and not fumble for words like I have usually come to do so. I can also use MS Word for synonyms if I’m sounding too repetitve. Or Google to find out if there is a certain word out there that could be used instead of the two sentences I’m about to say. Then there are those words that I know, but the meanings of which Im not so sure about. I can Google those too, find out if they mean what I think they mean, or if they mean something else entirely.
But the thing that prevents me from blogging is time. I just dont have enough time these days. From getting up in the morning, to college and back, I just cant find the time to squeeze in a blog post. Blame Mark Zuckerburg for that one, though. All of my free time (and not so free time too) is dedicated to Facebook. But hey, dont look at me that way. You try dealing with an average of 50 notifications a day. It takes time, alright.
Another thing that prevents me from blogging is my lazy fat butt. It just seems tedious sometimes — why blog when I can watch HIMYM or Gossip Girl? Or a movie? Well, actually, scratch the last bit. Thank you SOPA and PIPA. End of the world, indeed.
Blogs that I really enjoy are annies-eats.com and…oh, alright, thats the only blog that I actually take time to read and follow. She has a way with words, not to mention food. A potent combination, if you ask me.
So I’m off to read a couple of posts that I missed because of my hectic life, see you after a millenium.
SO. This (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWcoLxt0rLQ) awesome youtube video gave me a link to here:
And I went there and downloaded the first link there, and the serial number was already included in it! :O
AND IT WORKS PERFECTLY! :O
So check it out ^_^
Hope it helps.